


The Name of Iron Man

by Tacuma



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Humour, M/M, Weird, in what world is this making sense?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 01:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tacuma/pseuds/Tacuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Tony are both awake in the middle of the night. While Steve makes the billionaire something to eat, the topic of Iron Patriot comes up. That makes Steve curious why Tony uses the name Iron Man, when the suit isn't made of iron at all. Tony explains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Name of Iron Man

Steve walked through the tower. It was late at night, or maybe early in the morning. It didn't matter, the others were all asleep, so he didn't bother to turn on any lights. He could see almost as much in the dark as he could in bright daylight. It was one of the better effects of the serum. 

The only light was soft and blue and a came from the big letters outside the tower. After the whole Loki incident only the A had remained and they had discussed what to do with it. Now it once again spelled 'Stark'. Naming it Avengers Tower was too dangerous. Not only would it attract annoying evil masterminds, but also annoying people who thought the super heroes were freaks and a danger to society. The Avengers could save their asses a hundred times, but some people liked to remain stupid. Steve could understand a little, they just wanted to protect their children. And there were always the insane fans that started screaming the moment they noticed one of them. Why did the girls all scream in this age? It was good they stood up for themselves and raised their voice, but he didn’t like the screaming and the pointing every time one of them noticed him on the streets.

The super soldier had been watching the skyline of New York when he heard something behind him. Super hearing was also part of the serum. He smiled when he saw a round blue light moving around.

'Tony, why are you up?'

'Fuck, Steve, you almost give me a heart attack! J.A.R.V.I.S. lights on, 25 per cent.'

The lights turned on and now they could see each other better.

'Why are you awake?' asked Tony. 'I always alive at night, nothing new there, but you're a decent man. Why are you awake at this ungodly hour?' 

'It was a lazy Saturday, I didn't do much, so I'm not really tired. Serum makes me eat a lot, but I don't need much sleep, you know that. I just didn't use enough energy today.'

Tony sighed as he walked to the kitchen. 'Do I have to remind you that you ran about 10 miles this morning. You were torturing a punching bag for like an hour and then you sparred with Natasha and Clint. How is that a lazy Saturday. I can't believe you.'

'How do you know what I did?' asked Steve. 'I didn't see you around all day.'

Tony looked in the fridge, but there was nothing much he could eat. He wouldn't mind a beer, but that was probably not a good idea. 'J.A.R.V.I.S. keeps me updated.'

Steve just shook his head and rolled his eyes. Tony could be such a stalker, but he didn’t really mind. 'Do you want me to make you something?' he asked.

'No, it's fine, I'll make something myself,' answered Tony.

'Without burning down the kitchen this time?' asked Steve with a grin. 'I'll do it. I don't mind.'

Tony sat down at the kitchen table and watched how the other man worked. Cooking looked so simple when Steve did it.

'So what were you doing that you looked yourself in your workshop for so long again?' asked Steve.

'You know, the usual,' answered Tony. 'Had a brilliant idea, had to work on it, couldn’t s top. Like always.'

'Care to tell me what your brilliant idea was this time?'

'I got an idea about the Iron Man suit. I found a way to make it possible to go into space with it without losing all the power and without losing J.A.R.V.I.S..'

‘Oh, Tony,' started Steve, but the mechanic waved his hand to shut him up.

'I know,' he said. 'I know. There is no need for it, I don't have to make it space proof and I'll never do something as dangerous and stupid again. I promised, didn't I? But when I woke up it seemed like a good idea and that didn't change until I was actually working on it. I stopped and threw everything away.'

Steve smiled. 'I'm glad,' he answered and he placed a plate in front of the other man. 'But what were you doing then? You weren't working on the space suit thing all day, were you?'

'Nah’, answered Tony. 'Saw some footage of what happened in New York and I noticed your suit was torn in different places, while Nat's didn't have a scratch. Thought I should do something about it. So I worked with a few materials to make it better. It's almost done.' 

Steve put a plate in front of him and Tony dug into his food.

'You know, mine might be more torn, because I get more physical with our enemies. Natasha works with guns, if possible not too close by, probably because she is officially a spy. I have to get closer. But thank you, I appreciate it.'

'It would be best if you all had an Iron Man suit,' said Tony with his mouth full. Steve frowned at it, so the genius quickly swallowed. 'It would be safer, but I guess that is impossible.'

Steve laughed at that. ‘If you’d give us all a suit the army would hate you even more!’

Tony grinned. ‘I don’t see a problem there. They’re not going to like me anyway.’

‘Lucky for them I probably couldn’t work in such a suit anyway,’ the blond said as he sat down at the table as well. ‘Doubt I’d be able to move as freely and I’m not sure if I could use my shield anymore. Catching it might be a problem. It would be a waste of the serum.’

‘And of the view,’ answered Tony and he hissed as Steve hit his arm. ’What? If we’d make you a suit like mine you’d end up looking like War Machine. Tell me that is not fucking ugly. I don’t understand how Rhodey can work it. Maybe you could rock it though. I thought no one could rock that freedom suit of yours, but hell, does that look good on you.’

‘Iron Patriot,’ was all Steve said. He knew that would trigger the other man and Tony immediately passionately started to explain why he hated that name so much.

‘Why did you pick the name Iron Man?’ asked the super soldier in the middle of Tony’s rant. ‘Your suit isn’t even made of iron and you get pissed when people think it actually is iron and try sticking magnets on it. Why not use a different name?’

‘It’s a gold-titanium alloy. Couldn’t really name myself ‘Gold-Titanium Man’, right? I didn’t come up with the name myself. People started calling me that, the newspapers started to use it and one day everyone used it and everyone knew it was me.’

‘Like I would believe that,’ said Steve. ‘You get everything you want done. If you didn’t want them to call you Iron Man nobody would have ever called you that. You have that much influence, so why did you let them call you Iron Man?’

Tony frowned. ‘How did you get to know me so well?’ he asked. ‘But you were right. I helped a little. Might have dropped that name here and there on the internet and stuff. Pushed people a little in the right direction. Iron Man sounds cool, easy and simple, so why not.’

‘You’re so not telling me everything,’ answered the patriotic soldier as he looked into Tony’s eyes. ‘Tell me.’

‘Okay,’ said the billionaire. ‘Okay I’ll tell you, but don’t tell anyone else. It’s no fun if everyone knows.’

‘Sure,’ promised Steve.

‘So there was this horror movie from twenty-five years ago or something,’ started Tony. ‘A Japanese horror movie. It was probably the worst movie I have ever seen and that says something. I’ve seen a lot. I don’t remember too much of it, but it was named ‘Tetsuo: The Iron Man’. Some guy got a virus or something, I don’t really remember,but his whole body turned into iron. The first part to change was his dick. He actually got an iron drilling dick and he tried to stick it into a woman. Blood everywhere. I never laughed so hard in my life, but I think I already had a few drinks before I started watching.’

‘You named yourself after a guy with a drilling iron… dick?’ Steve asked.

‘Yes?’ grinned Tony.

‘I should have known,’ laughed Steve. ‘I should have known even your super hero names has a sexual background. I can’t believe you. You’re the worst, Tony.’

The engineer was laughing too now. ‘Don’t you think that is a fucking accurate description of me? A guy with a drilling iron dick?’

‘Your suit doesn’t even have any manly parts,’ answered Steve as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

‘No, God, no, can you imagine what that would look like!’ cried Tony. ‘I do not want to think about that. I was talking about Tony Stark there, not about Iron Man.’

‘Guess it’s a pretty good description of you then,’ Steve grinned. 

‘You could know,’ winked Tony.

‘Well, you can be hard as iron and you can do some very nice drilling with it,’ smirked Steve. ‘Thankfully without all the blood. Does that mean I get to call it little Iron Man from now on?’

‘Hell no, there is nothing little about it!’

‘Do you think the little Iron Man can drain my energy?’ asked Steve seductively. ‘I’m not tired yet, but maybe a drilling work out would help?’

‘Hell yes!’ said Tony. ‘Call it whatever you want. Little Iron Man is fine. We got some drilling to do! I’m seriously tired, but I’m not going to say ‘no’ to some drilling.’

Laughing Steve pulled the shorter man to their bedroom. ‘You should try to find that movie somewhere. I would love to see it.’

**Author's Note:**

> This fic does not make sense. I don't know where the name Iron Man comes from, definitely not that movie, but my friend and I had a good laugh about this. Written for NaNoWriMo, so I'm sorry if it's crappy.


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